Relapse
by lefty21
Summary: A very long oneparter. Seth comes home after three weeks of sailing and now he has to convince Summer not to give up on them.


Disclaimer: I don't own it.

A/N: It's a _very long_ one-parter set five weeks after Seth left and two weeks after he's returned. Nothing else has changed. Ryan's still in Chino, Julie and Caleb are still married, etc...

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Seth Cohen had been home for exactly two weeks and with each passing day he came a little closer to trying to leave again.

Ryan still wasn't home, his parents still didn't trust him, he was on house arrest until he graduated, and the one thing that would have made all that bad shit worth it still wasn't talking to him. Now there seriously was _nothing_ keeping him in Newport.

Five weeks ago he had sailed into the unknown, dead set on never coming back. Two weeks and six days ago, he realized he couldn't stay away.

He had been more miserable alone on that stupid catamaran than he had ever been when he was alone in Newport. And it wasn't because Ryan wasn't there or he felt guilty for leaving his parents or because he missed Captain Oats and his Play Station. It was because in Newport, even though he was alone, he could still see her; still watch her. And that, Seth only realized after he had gone, was what made Newport and being alone bearable for all those years before Ryan made his entrance.

When he was alone on that boat, all he could do was think about her and what a jackass he was for leaving her.

He missed Ryan, but it didn't compare to how much he missed her, and that scared the hell out of him. Ryan had enough power to make him want to leave. Summer had enough power over him to make him want to come back.

Ryan had made Newport livable; Summer had made Newport worth every water polo player calling him a fag, every girl looking at him like he was diseased, and every parent forcing their kid to invite him to their birthday party because he was Caleb Nichol's grandson.

Summer Roberts was the one and only thing that made Seth Cohen come back to the world that he hated and hated him equally as much.

And now that he was back, he wanted to die because she finally hated him too, just like the rest of the town. And she was the only person in the town that mattered.

The first thing he had done when he got back was go see her. He docked the Summer breeze, used a payphone to call a cab, and had it bring him straight to her house.

He had knocked hesitantly on her door and itswung open about a minute later to reveal Summer's dad scowling at him with a look of complete loathing and disgust plastered on his face. Obviously Summer had told him what had happened. Mr. Roberts had told him to get the hell out of his sight and slammed the door in his face.

Normally, Seth would have been intimidated enough to turn and run home with his tail between his legs, but he had to see Summer. He was tired, and depressed, and physically sick from all the thinking he'd been doing the past three weeks and the only thing that could make it all better was Summer.

He had rung the door bell again… and again, and again when there was still no answer. He knew that Mr. Roberts was either standing on the other side of the door ready to run interference for Summer or on his cell phone calling the police.

After ringing the bell for the fifth time, Seth figured that Summer must not have been home or else she would have come down by that time to see who was at the door.

Seth had been in the process of turning to leave, most likely being watched triumphantly by Mr. Roberts through the peephole, when he heard her voice. The voice he hadn't been able to get out of his head for three weeks.

"Daddy? Who's at the door?" Sethheard her muffled voice ask.

"No one important," her dad had responded a few seconds later. "Just some Jehovah Witness. They should go away in a few minutes."

"Daddy," Seth heard Summer say skeptically but slightly amused, and he could imagine the eye roll that came with it. " Like, everyone in Newport's Protestant."

"Not this person," Mr. Roberts had replied truthfully and Seth almost smiled. But he suddenly became lightheaded and nervous when he heard her quizzical reply.

"Daddy?" she'd questioned seriously. "_Who's _at the door?" Her tone dared him to try to lie again. Apparently she had caught the hidden meaning behind her father's last answer.

"Summer…" Mr. Roberts had pleaded invain.

That show of weaknesshad beenall the admission Summerneeded because the next second she had swung open the door and was standing face to face with him.

Seth had stared at her in a daze, relieved that he was finally looking at her again. He couldn't read her and had no idea what she was thinking, but she was still the most beautiful thing he had ever seen and he almost wanted to cry at the sight of her.

She closed the door behind her and stared at him for what had seemed like an eternity until finally, "What are you doing here?" She had showed no emotion in her voice or facewhenasked.

Seth hadn't know what to answer. He had expected her to be mad, to scream and hit him, to ask why he left, but he hadn't expected this question. Why else would he be there?

"Summer," he had started meekly, "I'm here because of _you_."

"Why?" Summer had asked with the same tone as her first question while she crossed her arms over her chest in either an attempt to intimidate him or feel protected, Seth wasn't sure which.

He had looked like a confused and lost little boy. "Because I missed you," he had replied then, after a few seconds of silence, spoke again. "I'm so sorry."

"I want you to leave," she had responded, her voice demanding but still emotionless.

Seth had seriously wanted to cry at that moment. He had been prepared for everything except this. He had expected her to be angry and bitter, not indifferent and apathetic. Having her hate him would have been a hundred times better than her not caring about him at all.

"Summer," he had pleaded, "Please let me explain."

Summer had narrowed her eyes then. "I got you're letter. I think you explained everything in there," she had spat, her voice laced with only a hint of bitterness. And with that she had turned and walked inside, slamming the door in his face before he could even stutter an excuse.

He hadn't gone home after that. He had the cab take him back to the dock. He had planned on sleeping on his boat that night and deciding the next morning if he was going to stay or take off again. Now that he knew Summer wasn't going to forgive him, there was nothing left for him in Newport besides two overbearing parents that he could stand to be away from.

His plan for taking off again though, was thwarted when he was awakened atfive thirtythe next morning by two police officers. Apparently the dock workers were under orders to keep an eye out for him and his boat, and to contact the police station if either of them were to float in. Fishermen and workers started arriving at the marina aroundfive in the morningand one of them had called the police when they had seen the name of his boat.

They had brought him home and his parents had inundated him with hugs, kisses, and declarations of worry and relief before they sent him up to bed. When he woke up five hours later they had promptly grounded him and then proceeded to lecture him for the rest of the afternoon.

Seth may have been able to take this a little better if he had actually decided to come home on his own, but the fact that he had been aboutninety percentsure he was going to be taking off again made the whole situation nauseating. Now he really did have _nothing _left in Newport and he was stuck there with no chance of escape.

The more Seth thought about it over the next few days, the more and more physically ill it would make him get, and he had actually ended up hunched over his bathroom toilet a few times.

And two weeks after his return, as he replayed these events over in his head for the hundredth time, he once again felt the need to run for the bathroom.

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Seth Cohen had been home for exactly two weeks and with each passing day it became harder and harder for Summer Roberts to not think about him; to not run to the Cohen house and forget everything that had happened and everything that he had done to her.

She had seen him once since his return and spoken less than five sentences to him and it was killing her. And the only thing keeping her sane was the notion that it was killing him, too. And, for the sake of her mind, she clung to that.

He had come to see her right after he got back and she had been cold and icy, and he had looked heartbroken and lost and it had been strangely gratifying, because it meant he was feeling at least a portion of what she had felt when he had completely disregarded her and left with nothing but a note.

She was actually surprised to see that she was able to hold it together after the confrontation. She had walked back in the house past her father and up the stairs to her room where she had stayed the rest of the night watching some dull _Lifetime_ movie until she fell asleep.

It wasn't until the next morning that she had completely lost it and broke down into tears.

Marissa had called around nine to inform her that Seth was back in town. Caleb had told her and Julie that Seth had been picked up at the marina early that morning and taken directly home to his parents.

Summer had broken down sobbing after that. Seth had come to see her first; before he had even gone home. He had done a thousand and one shitty things to her and she couldn't help but focus on the one sweet gesture. It was all quite frustrating to her that she couldn't bring herself to hate him.

And now, she had spent the last two weeks being even more reclusive than she had been the three weeks that Seth had been gone. Marissa had come by a few times to try to get her to go shopping or to a party, but Summer had declined, claiming that she wasn't in the mood every time.

Marissa had simply shrugged, told her she was going to have to get over it some time, and then moved onto the hottest party happening that night.

Marissa had fallen into a drunken depression the first two weeks Ryan was gone, but had managed to pull herself out of it after some prodding from, surprisingly, Summer. Summer had actually been the one to convince Marissa to come with her to one of Holly's infamous parties in an attempt to get over their respective abandonments, but it had been Marissa who had immediately retaken to their old lifestyle. Summer had decided that she just wasn't that person anymore and had opted to let Marissa go alone the next time she felt like hitting a party, which was, not surprisingly, like every night.

But Summer had to admit, Marissa was genuinely happy, though. She wasn't depressed or brooding, and she wasn't drinking like she used to. And she was even seeing someone new named Brian.

She had told Summer that it wasn't serious and that it would still take a while for her to get over Ryan completely, but she was having fun. Summer wished _she_ could have fun, but she couldn't force herself to _even try_ to meet new people. She wasn't over Seth _at all_, let alone completely.

And so, she had spent the majority of her summer vacation alone in her room with Coop coming by every once in a while to check on her.

And when Seth came back, Marissa had made it a point to come over for the day with tissues, chocolate, and a large supply of chick flicks to help Summer through the withdrawal. Now that Seth was home, it took Summer, and Marissa, a lot of strength to keep her from relapsing.

Seth had hurt Summer and she couldn't put herself out there like that again. He made her vulnerable and she had to be strong. She couldn't let him get to her again.

Unfortunately, he was doing a pretty good job breaking down her defenses and he wasn't even allowed to leave his house.

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Marissa cautiously followed Caleb and her mother into the Cohen house. It was Caleb's birthday and he had decided on just a small family dinner which, obviously, included his only grandson, who was, incidentally, the same jackass that had abandoned her best friend.

She hadn't actually seen Seth in the two weeks since he had been back, and she wasn't looking forward to any awkward greetings or nonchalant questions about Summer. As, she was sure, Seth wasn't looking forward to uncomfortable small talk and casual inquiries about Ryan. Out of their little group, it was definitely the two of them who were the least close.

Marissa expected to find him on the living room couch playing video games. She was half right, as she found him lying on the living room couch reading a comic book. It made since when she figured that his parents had probably grounded him for the rest of his teenage life, prohibiting him from even thinking about touching his Play Station.

She saw him glance at her over his shoulder as she made her way through the kitchen to the back patio, but he made no move to verbally acknowledge her and she was grateful. She fallowed Caleb and her mom the rest of the way to the patio where the Cohens and her dad and Hailey had already congregated.

She greeted the Cohens, hugged her dad and Hailey, and then took and awkward seat to the side as the adults conversed as if they all didn't hate at least one other person at the party; except for Kirsten, that is. Marissa was pretty sure it was impossible for Kirsten Cohen to hate anyone.

Twenty minutes into the party, Marissa had pretty much zoned out into her own thoughts, and was perfectly content blending into the background for once when she heard footsteps coming up behind her. She could see her parents, the Cohens, and Caleb and Hailey in front of her so that left only one possibility for who was behind her. She braced herself.

"Hey."

"Hey," she replied back, but then said nothing else.

After a few seconds of silence, Seth sighed and then started, "Look, I know I'm not your favorite person right now…" Marissa "pft"ed and nodded in agreement. Seth rolled his eyes and continued. "And obviously you agree…"

Sheglared at him."Seth, do you have a point?"

Seth closed his eyes and took a breath before starting again, "But... I still want to apologize, even though I know you probably won't care."

"Apologize for what exactly?" Marissa asked as she crossed her arms over her chest. "For basically blaming Ryan leaving on me? For abandoning my best friend? For being a self-centered dickhead?"

"Well… for all of that, actually. I know I was a jerk to you the last time we saw each other and you didn't deserve that." Seth got the first apology out of the way, and Marissa raised her eyebrows in anticipation for the next one. "And I know I'm a selfish prick who screwed Summer over big time, and I deserve to rot and hell for treating her like that."

Marissa nodded and sighed as she uncrossed her arms. "Well, I suppose I can forgive you for what you said to me, but I think that secondapology is gonna go unrewarded."

"Well, I figured as much. It was just nice to finally be able to tell someone, though," Seth admonished as he sat down next to Marissa on the lounge chair.

Marissa smiled. "Well, anytime you feel like confessing what a jerk you are, I'm here to listen."

Seth nodded slightly and let a small smile grace his lips. "I figured you would be." It was nice to be having a halfway normal conversation with one of his friends after to weeks of silent hell.

Marissa let out a soft laugh and then they sat in a semi comfortable silence for a few minutes while they observed the mingling going on between the rest of their new, royally messed up family. It was still hard for both of them to fathom that Marissa was Seth's aunt, Julie Cooper was Kirsten's stepmother, and Marissa's dad was dating her new stepsister. Not to mention all of the other weird little binds holding their two and a half families together.

After a few moments Seth nudged Marissa's shoulder without looking at her and asked carefully, "So… How've you been?"

Marissa rightfully took it to mean, 'Have you been drinking yourself in to an alcohol-induced stupor ever since Ryan left?'

She shrugged after a few seconds and answered truthfully, "I've been pretty okay, actually. At first I took everything kind of hard, but Summer helped me get back on track."

At the mention of Summer's name, Seth winced and his eyes instantly became downcast as he stared intently at the ground.

"Seth…" Marissa started apologetically.

Seth looked up quickly and shook his head. "It's okay. It's my own fault," he said with a pitiful shrug of his shoulders.

Marissa couldn't believe it, but she actually kind of felt sorry for him. Maybe she was just so used to him always being upbeat and quirky that this new bland and dour disposition was starting to depress her all over again. Whatever it was, she definitely wanted to get that pitiful look off his face. "If it's any consolation, I don't think Summer's doing very well either."

"Actually, it kind of makes me feel worse. But, if I knew she was out partying every night with some other guy I would still feel this bad, so I think it's safe to say that I'm a hopeless case," he resolved. "I've come to terms with the fact that I'm gonna be pretty damn miserable for a long time to come."

"Well, if you ask me, I think it's a fitting punishment," Marissa stated, but there was no anger or dislike in her tone. She sounded more sympathetic than anything.

Seth nodded. "Well, that hurts, but I think you're right."

"Why'd you leave?" she asked bluntly. She had been wanting to know ever since Summer came crying to her the night of the wedding.

Seth shrugged. "I don't know," he groaned as he buried his head in his hands for a few seconds before looking back up at her. "I was being stupid and… irrational… and I wasn't thinking at all."

"Okay," Marissa said with a nod. "But obviously at the time you thought you had a good reason for going. So...what was it?" When Seth stayed silent for a moment, Marissa prodded hesitantly, "Was it Summer?"

"No! God, no!" Seth answered immediately as his head shot up and he shook it adamantly. "She was the only thing that was making me consider staying."

Marissa let out a sigh of relief. "So why'd you go? Was she not enough?"

Seth shook his head and groaned in frustration as he buried his head in his hands again. "It's not like that. It's complicated."

"I've got time."

Seth turned his head to look at her skeptically for a moment but gave in nonetheless. "I thought that since Ryan was leaving, everything was going to go back to how it was. The dream was over and it was time to go back to reality, and in reality… Summer Roberts didn't know or care who Seth Cohen was."

Marissa shook her head in confusion. "Seth… that doesn't make since. Why would-"

"I told you I was being irrational! Of course my reasoning wouldn't make since," he exclaimed in frustration.

"But Seth, you had to know that Summer wouldn't just forget about the last nine months and everything you guys had been through together."

Seth nodded. "I knew that she wouldn't forget, but I figured that it was only a matter of time before the blinders came off and she realized what a mistake she was making."

"Well then you obviously didn't have a lot of faith in Summer," she accused.

Seth rolled his eyes. "The first good thing that had happened to me in seventeen years had just left with his pregnant ex-girlfriend in a yellow convertible. I didn't have much faith in anything at the time," he snapped.

"Well you should have," Marissa spat back, just as bitingly.

"I know," he groaned. "And I regret everyday that I didn't."

Marissa nodded. It may not have been the best excuse, but she could tell that he sincerely regretted what he had done. "So why'd you come back?" she asked after Seth had a few seconds to calm down.

Seth shrugged hopelessly. "Why do you think?" Marissa nodded her understanding and Seth went on. "I spent 21 days out on that boat and I spent, maybe, a total of three hours not thinking about her. Even when I was sleeping I was dreaming about her."

"Why'd it take you so long?"

"I was afraid she wouldn't forgive me," he answered simply.

Marissa contorted her face into something between a sympathetic smile and a look of pure pity. "Well, that was a logical fear- obviously," she conceded.

Seth rolled his eyes and sighed. "_Obviously_."

Marissa had wanted to ask him more, but she could see that it was really starting to get to him. His eyes were starting to get red and he looked like he was on the verge of tears. The emotion in his eyes when he talked about Summer almost overwhelmed her. She knew that Seth had always liked Summer, but she never would have guessed that he cared for her this much. It made her feel ten times worse for both him and Summer, because now she knew how much they were both suffering.

She had been planning on dropping the conversation in favor of a lighter discussion for Seth's sake, but she couldn't help but ask one last question to confirm the answer she was pretty sure she already knew. "You love her, don't you?"

Seth's eyes widened at her bluntness but he didn't hesitate for a second before he nodded hopelessly. There was no doubt in Marissa's mind that he was being completely sincere. He had been so lost and confused when he talked about everything else, but he hadn't faltered once when he talking about his feelings for Summer. It was like the one and only thing in his life that he was absolutely sure of.

Marissa wanted to tell him there was still hope and make him feel better, but she couldn't. She knew Summer wouldn't forgive Seth as easily as she had, and she knew Seth didn't expect her to, and that made him and his devotion to her seem more sweet and pitiful at the same time.

Marissa knew she couldn't comfort Seth with words so she went to the next best thing and hugged him. She knew Seth only hugged her back to make her feel like her efforts were appreciated, but it still made Marissa feel like she had at least done something.

Seth gave her a halfhearted thank you as he pulled away and stood. She smiled and watched him walk away for a few seconds before following him into the dining room where every one else was already taking their seats.

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"_Sum-mer_…" Marissa pleaded into her phone a week later. "You have to come. We've been to every Newport charity event together since we were eleven. You can't make me go alone."

"Coop, I really don't want to go. I'm so not in the mood to mingle with those people tonight," Summer explained her argument for what felt like the tenth time.

Marissa sighed in frustration. Summer could be really boring, not to mention aggravating, when she was depressed. She had been in even worse spirits since Marissa had reported back to her that Seth was completely miserable. Marissa had thought that fact would have offered Summer a little bit of solace, but it had only stood to depress her more.

It still surprised Marissa how much of an effect they were having on each other. She had always thought they were just having fun before, and she felt like a crappy best friend for never realizing how serious they had gotten. Marissa was beginning to think that they didn't even know how much they had cared about each other until all of this crappy stuff had gone down.

"Sum, you used to mingle with '_those people' _all the time," she responded pointedly.

"Yeah, well… it's lost some of its appeal over the years."

"Right," Marissa started skeptically, "And you not wanting to go has nothing to do with the fact that the Newport Group is hosting the event."

"Don't go there, Coop."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Marissa played dumb. "You're going to have to elaborate."

Summer sighed. "I don't want to chance seeing him there, Coop. It would be too hard," she admitted quietly.

"Well if that's the only problem, there is no problem," Marissa said dismissively.

"What do you mean?"

"Seth's not going."

"He told you at the dinner last week?" Summer asked skeptically.

"Yep," Marissa answered, even though she knew damn well that Seth was going to be there. In fact, at the dinner she had listened to his grandfather instruct him to wear something more tasteful than a pair of jeans and a suit jacket over a t-shirt. "He said that he didn't come back to Newport for the charity events," she added pointedly. Seth hadn't said that either, but Marissa knew she was going to have to embellish and exaggerate if there was any hope at all of getting the two of them out of their depressions; and it seemed the only way to get them out of there depressions was to get them speaking to each other again which would never happen without someone else pushing them. Summer was too proud and too defensive to let Seth in again and Seth was just too clueless to really get what he needed to do to fix things.

"I don't know, Coop. I'm still really not in the mood for this."

"Summer, you need to do this. Do you really plan on spending your entire senior year moping around your house and trying to avoid Seth in the halls?" Marissa challenged.

Summer sighed in defeat, but didn't give an answer.

Marissa didn't need one. "I'll pick you up at seven," she informed quickly, hanging up the phone before Summer had a chance to protest again.

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Seth wandered aimlessly around the lavish banquet hall his grandfather had rented out for the purpose of the latest cause the new Mrs. Nichol had decided to support that week. She hosted so many events, Seth had stopped trying to keep track of what each one was in support of.

He glanced towards the entrance for any sign of Marissa but came up empty. He had felt more alone than ever since he had gotten back and with Ryan gone and Summer's basic hatred of him, Marissa was the closest thing he had to a friend.

They had talked some more at his grandfather's birthday after they had finished dinner and it had been nice. In some weird way, she was the closest he could get to Ryan and Summer and being around her made him feel some semblance of the way he felt before all that shit happened at the end of the school year. Not to mention, she was actually more interesting and a lot less self-centered than Seth had given her credit for. She had only asked about Ryan once and had spent the rest of the night being genuinely interested in what he had done on his sailing trip.

Seth looked around the room again and saw that both Julie and Jimmy were already at the party. He figured Marissa must have opted to drive herself and arrive later. Or maybe she was coming with Brian. She had told him about her new "_friend_" and Seth was actually happy for her. He knew who Brian was and he remembered him as one of the few popular jocks who hadn't kicked his ass every other day for the last six years. That definitely put him a little higher up on Seth's list of people in Newport who don't completely suck. Considering the list consisted of less than ten people, that was a pretty big honor as far as Seth was concerned.

Seth was still searching for Marissa when he felt a hand clap him on his left shoulder. He stumbled a little before turning around to see Brian standing in front of him. Well, so much for Marissa coming with Brian.

"Hey man, Marissa told me you were back," he started friendly enough. "She said you took some sailing trip up the coast. How was it?"

Seth was a little thrown. Brian had never beat him up before, but he had certainly never tried to converse with him before, either. Maybe Marissa had told him to be friendly. "Good," Seth finally stuttered.

"What kind of boat do you have?" He sounded genuinely interested. Maybe Marissa had ordered him to rise above his fellow jocks and expand his horizons by reaching out to the pathetic geek standing alone at a party.

"A catamaran," Seth answered hesitantly.

"That's cool," Brian answered with a nod. "Do you keep it down at the marina?" he asked after a second.

"Yeah," Seth nodded. "The _Summer Breeze_."

"Dude," Brian acknowledged excitedly, "I've seen that boat. My dad keeps his boat down there and when I was fourteen I told him that I wanted a boat just like yours."

Seth raised an eyebrow skeptically. "Really?"

"Yeah, I love sailing. I used to go all the time with my dad."

"Oh. Well maybe if I get off probation anytime soon, you, Marissa, and me can take it out."

Brian grimaced sympathetically. "That's right, man," he recollected, "Marissa told me about that, too. Pretty harsh." Seth shrugged. "But, I guess a trip like that would be worth the consequences. It must have been great being out there on your own."

Seth shook his head. "Not really."

Brian didn't know what to say to that so he just nodded. He racked his brain for something to say for a few seconds when a thought came to his head. "You dated Summer Roberts didn't you?"

Seth cringed at the sound of her name but nodded.

"That's a weird coincidence that your girlfriend and your boat were both named Summer," he pointed out, truly amused by the thought and not suspecting at all that Seth had actually named the boat after her when he was fourteen.

Seth smiled and nodded awkwardly. "It's funny, that's exactly what she said."

Brian nodded and smiled dumbly at the irony of it all.

Seth turned away and rolled his eyes as his stomach twisted in knots. He was looking forward to the day when he could think about her and not feel like he wanted to die.

"Hey, buddy, you okay? You look a little sick," Seth heard Brian ask from behind him.

Seth turned to look at him again. "Yeah… I'm fine. I think I must have just eaten someth-" but something over Brian's shoulder caught his attention before he could finish.

His breathe caught in his throat and he could no longer speak. Marissa had just walked in and Summer was following closely behind her.

She was breathtaking, as usual, Seth noticed, but something about her looked different. She had opted for a simple yet elegant black, knee-length dress as opposed to her normal style that bordered more on the side of eclectic. Her hair was straight, falling loosely around her around her shoulders, and she carried a simple black hand bag in her left hand. She looked older and more reserved and like she wanted to be anywhere but at there.

Seth watched as Marissa scanned the room for people to mingle with and Summer stood lamely at her side. She had definitely been dragged there against her will, and Seth guessed that it was most likely by Marissa.

He couldn't believe Marissa had done that. He had called her two days earlier to specifically ask her if Summer was planning on coming to the party. She had assured him that Summer had become a huge homebody and there was no way she was going to leave her house for a stupid Newport party.

But apparently, Marissa had decided for her, because there she was, standing awkwardly by the entrance looking more beautiful than ever.

"Dude, what are you looking at?" Brian asked after Seth hadn't spoken for nearly a minute.

Seth suddenly turned his attention back to Brian and jerked is head in the direction of the door. "Marissa's here."

Brian glanced over his shoulder quickly before nodding. "Well, I'm gonna go say hi," he said slowly, sensing some sort of awkwardness in the whole situation but not able to pinpoint exactly what it was. He clapped Seth on his shoulder one more time. "It was good talking to ya," he said politely before making his way towards Marissa.

Marissa and Summer had their backs to him, so Brian sidled up to Marissa and wrapped an arm around her and kissed her cheek in greeting. Seth watched her smile and happily kiss him in return once she had realized who he was.

Seth sighed. It was depressing and encouraging all at the same time to see that a couple could be so oblivious and happy while he was so completely miserable.

Seth's breath caught in his throat again when Summer began to look around. Apparently she had been surprised by Brian's sudden entrance too and was looking behind her in the direction that he had come from.

Seth saw her eyes twitch slightly and her calm exterior falter as she made eye contact with him. He didn't have time to do anything but stare back at her because a second later she had turned her attention back to Marissa and Brian and was making an extra big show of immersing herself in a very deep conversation with the two of them.

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Summer couldn't breath. He was there. Marissa had assured her that he wasn't going to be there, and yet… there he was.

Summer was trying to listen to Brian, settle her nerves, and come to terms with the fact that Marissa had lied to her all at once.

How could Coop do that to her? What kind of best friend was Marissa if she was willing to set Summer up like this?

"Coop!" she snapped after she had managed gain some kind of composure.

Marissa made a show of tearing her attention away from Brian to look at her innocently. "Hmm?"

"Can I talk to you alone for a second?"

"Summer, I don't want to be rude," Marissa said sweetly, glancing at Brian.

Summer glared and then looked at Brian threateningly. "You don't mind, right?"

Brian shook his head quickly. "No. I'll just go… socialize," he stuttered under Summer's warning glare, motioning to the crowd.

"Okay," Summer nodded as she took Marissa's arm and began dragging her. "We'll be over here," she said gesturing in the general direction of a deserted corner.

"Coop!" Summer screeched and slapped Marissa's shoulder as soon as they reached the corner. "You told me he wasn't gonna be here."

Marissa shrugged innocently. "I guess he changed his mind."

"What the hell happened to 'he didn't come back to Newport for the charity events'?" she snapped.

"I don't know. Why don't you ask him," Marissa challenged bravely. At Summer's glare she recoiled a little. "Or… you could just keep pretending like he doesn't exist. That works too."

"_Coo-oop_," Summer whined, not knowing what else to do.

"I can't help it that he's here. What do you want me to do about it?" Marissa asked rhetorically, not expecting an answer.

"I want you to take me home!" Summer ordered, as if the solution was obvious.

Marissa shook her head. "No way. If you were planning on skipping out early you should have driven yourself."

"I couldn't!" Summer exclaimed. "You hung up right after you told me that you were picking me up."

"Right," Marissa admonished but still didn't seem to be convinced that she should take Summer home. "But that's still not my problem. You could have called me back."

"Not if you turned your cell phone off right after you hung up!" Summer took a deep breath and clenched her fist and gritted her teeth in frustration. "Coop… you know if this was you in this situation, I would take you home."

"Summer," Marissa said as she put a hand on each of Summer's shoulders and spoke down to her as if she was a little kid. "I know it seems like I'm being a crappy friend, but I'm not. I'm doing this for your own good."

"Coop, what are you talking about?" Summer asked even though she was pretty sure she knew the answer.

"You have to talk to him," Marissa said sympathetically. "You can't go on like this. You need to either work this out or at least get some kind of closure."

"Him sailing away without so much as a word is enough closure for me."

"Him coming back for you kind of reopens the case, though, don't you think?"

"No," Summer answered, but she didn't sound at all convincing.

"Summer…" Marissa said seriously. "You don't have to forgive him or take him back, but you need to talk to him so you can be sure yourself."

"I can't, Coop…" Summer said as she shook her head pitifully and Marissa could tell she was on the verge of tears. "It's too hard."

"I think that proves my point," Marissa said softly.

Summer considered this for about a minute but still shook her head in the end. "I can't," she said simply. "I'll be outside."

Marissa watched in disappointment as Summer weaved her way through the crowds and out the French doors that lead to the outside deck. She had really thought that if she could get Summer in the same room with Seth, she could get her to talk to him. This little episode just proved to Marissa how much Summer really did need to talk to Seth.

When Marissa finally looked away from the doors that Summer had exited through, her eyes immediately caught Seth's. He was standing about twenty feet away looking, if it was possible, the most pitiful Marissa had seen him yet. She gave him a sympathetic smile and shrug, and he gave a halfhearted smile back in a thanks for her attempt.

When she looked around again to see that Brian had been distracted by some fellow members of the soccer team she turned back to Seth. Brian was occupied, Summer obviously wasn't in the mood to talk, and it looked like Seth could use someone to distract him, so she worked her way through the crowd towards him.

"Hey," she heard him mumble when she got close enough.

"Hey," she said back as she fought her way around the last person standing in between her and Seth.

"Have a good conversation?" he asked sarcastically and it sounded like there was a tinge of bitterness in his tone.

"Seth," Marissa started in defense of her friend, "You have no idea how hard this is for her."

"If it's half of what I'm feeling, then trust me, I do."

"Why don't you try to talk to her?" Marissa suggested, even though she knew Seth was too much of a wuss to confront Summer. "The patio's pretty empty so you'd have plenty of privacy."

Seth shook his head in an adamant decline. "She's made it perfectly clear that she doesn't want to see or talk to me again."

"God, Seth!" Marissa exclaimed in frustration. "You are _so_ pathetic. You say you love her, but you're too scared to even try to talk to her. You mope around all the time and yet you won't even try to make it better."

"I _do _love her!" Seth raised his voice defensively. "And I don't want to try to talk to her again because I don't think I could stand to have her tell me to leave again."

"And _this_…" she gestured to him and his current state, "Is so much better?"

"Yeah, it is," he snapped, beginning to get annoyed. "A person can only take so much rejection before they hit rock bottom."

"Seth," she barked bluntly, "I think you've already hit rock bottom."

"So what if I have?" he conceded, not seeming to care much that Marissa had meant it as an insult. "Why do you care?"

"Because you're bringing my best friend down with you."

They were both silent after this. A wave of shame washed over Seth because he knew Marissa was right, and a wave of guilt washed over Marissa because she knew what she had just said was probably killing Seth.

She took a deep breath to calm herself, and then made one last attempt. "Seth, just talk to her," she pleaded. "We've both agreed you've already hit rock bottom. You've got nothing to lose and a lot to gain if you talk to her right now."

"I want to, Marissa," Seth assured her, "But she'll just walk away again. She won't listen to me."

Marissa glanced in the direction of the patio and could see Summer sitting by herself at one of the small tables set up out there. "I think our last conversation may have had an effect on her," She said as she turned back to him. "You may be able to get more in this time than just three fractured sentences."

Now Seth glanced in the direction of Summer and exhaled deeply as his eyes fell on her. He turned back to Marissa. "I just want her to know that I'm sorry," he said sincerely.

Marissa smiled understandingly. "Well, It's gonna mean a lot more coming from you than me, so you better get out there," She said as she gave him a gentle push in the direction of the patio.

Marissa held her breath and braced herself as Seth nodded and made his way to the French doors. She had no idea what was going to happen. She had only thought as far ahead as getting them to talk and hadn't even considered the scene that could arise from it. She really hoped they kept things halfway civil. She actually hoped that Summer would forgive him, they would get back together, and both of them would stop being so damned depressed. But she was 99.9 sure that wasn't going to happen.

------------------------------------------

Summer heard footsteps behind her and knew it was him before he had even spoken a word.

"Hey," she heard him say solemnly from behind.

"Hey," she responded. Summer didn't have the energy to be cold and unfeeling at the moment, but she didn't have the energy to think of anything more intricate or meaningful to say than 'hey' either.

He walked around front of her and gestured to the chair across from her. "Mind if I sit?"

She only shrugged, leaving him to decide if he really wanted to do this right now.

He pulled out the chair and sat down slowly, still looking at her cautiously to be sure it was okay. When she only gave him a blank gaze he let himself ease all the way into the chair.

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Neither one of them looked at the other or made any kind of attempt to talk.

"I'm sorry," Seth finally mumbled quietly, still not looking at her.

Summer stared intently at the ground and nodded.

Seth chanced a quick glance at her and saw that she looked like she was in deep thought. Seth was wondering what she was thinking so intensely about when he saw her swallow and lift her head slightly in preparation to say something.

"You said that before," she said in reference to his visit to her house immediately upon his return.

"I didn't think you were actually listening," he said truthfully.

She nodded her understanding as she continued to look at the ground. "So is that all I get?" she asked after a few moments, finally looking up at him and squinted her eyes in question. "You're not going to tell me why you left? Where you went? Why I only got a note?" she questioned, sounding like she was genuinely trying to understand. "I only deserve an apology? I'm not entitle to know why you left me?"

"God no, Summer. Of course you deserved to know why," he answered quickly. He buried his head in his hands and groaned. "You deserve so much better than _this_. Than _me_."

"Why did you leave?" Summer asked in a business like tone. She was attempting to keep as much emotion out of this as possible. She knew that as soon as she let her emotions out she wouldn't be able to handle it. She had to keep the whole situation at arms length.

"I was scared," Seth sighed. "Ryan was the reason everything changed for me, and somewhere in my crazy, fucked up mind, I thought that because he was leaving, everything else was just going to back to the way it was. The only real friend I ever had was leaving and I felt completely alone again," Seth tired to explain all of his reasoning as best he could. He had done enough to her; he at least owed her the whole truth.

"Wasn't I your friend?"

Seth shook his head. "You were, just not in the same way. Ryan had become my friend because he wanted to. You and Marissa and Luke were all my friends because of circumstances beyond your control. I came with Ryan; Marissa wanted Ryan, you wanted Marissa, and Luke wanted anyone who wasn't going to beat him up or call him a fag."

"I didn't start going out with you because of circumstances beyond my control."

"No," he agreed, "But then you were my girlfriend, not just a friend."

Summer nodded and accepted this answer. It may not have been exactly what she had wanted to hear, but she could tell he was telling the truth, and that was what she cared about most at the moment. She need to truly understand why he'd left in order to get over it.

"Where'd you go?" she moved on to the next question, satisfied with his answer to her last inquiry.

"I sailed up the coast," he answered simply.

"Why?" she asked. She was curious as to why a teenage boy would want to sail up the coast. It didn't sound like the most adventurous thing to do; certainly not something to abandon his whole life for.

"The _Summer Breeze _isn't exactly equipped for long periods at sea. I had to go somewhere where I could dock every night and get help if something went wrong with my boat."

She nodded again. She didn't want to speak anymore than she had to. "Was it fun?"

"No," Seth answered simply and truthfully with a shake of his head.

"Why?" she asked hesitantly, scared of what he might say- or might not say.

Seth lifted his head and looked her in the eyes for the first time since they began talking. "I missed you," he said without hesitation.

"What about your parents and Ryan?"

"I truthfully didn't miss Ryan that much. I thought about him every once in a while or wondered how he was doing… but he wasn't constantly on my mind. It never hurt when I thought about _him_."

Summer bit her bottom lip slightly as she nodded, but showed no other sign that what he had just said had gotten to her. "What about your parents?"

Seth sighed and considered the question for a minute. "I felt guilty for leaving more than I actually missed them," he conceded shamefully, then hesitated. "I know it sounds really bad and I'm a horrible son… but between school for me and work for them, we already didn't see each other that much. Being away from them wasn't that big of a change." Seth was sure that admitting that hadn't helped his chances at all, but she had asked the question and he had resolved himself to telling her the complete truth about anything she wanted to know.

"Why'd you come back?" she asked her final question.

"Because of you," he answered firmly as he looked her in the eyes.

Summer shook her head and let out a small empty laugh. "As flattering as that is, I know I'm not the only reason."

Seth shook his head and protested. "I know it seems insane and unbelievable, but _you _were the only reason I came back."

"What about your parents? School? Ryan?" she asked skeptically. "None of those played a factor in you coming back?"

"I told you, I didn't miss my parents, and the guilt wasn't enough to make me come back," Seth explained. "I knew Ryan wasn't going to be back so he obviously wasn't the reason. And school doesn't start for another month and a half, so if I had come home because of school, it would have been five weeks from now; not three weeks into summer vacation."

"Okay. If I alone was enough to make you come back, why wasn't I enough to make you stay?" she asked bitingly. Her 'Show No Emotion' plan was definitely buckling.

Seth was thrown by her sudden show of emotion and instinctively sat back in his seat to distance himself. He had been relatively fine when Summer was being distant and closed off. Her blunt question and even blunter show of emotion had thrown him, and now the little bit of self-assuredness he had been answering her questions with before was quickly draining.

Summer crossed her arms over her chest after a few seconds and raised her eyebrows in anticipation of an answer.

Seth stared wide-eyed at her for a few seconds more before he was finally able to spit out an answer. "I didn't think I _had_ you. I thought that it was only a matter of time before I lost you too, and then I would be totally alone."

"So you just left?" Summer exclaimed.

Seth shrugged. "I thought I'd beat fate to the punch."

Summer shook her head in disbelief, trying to think of something to say to express what she was thinking. "You're a moron," she finally muttered disdainfully.

"I know I am," Seth agreed quickly as he ran a hand through his hair. "And I'm a jackass, and an idiot, and the world's biggest dick. And anything else bad that you can think to call me," Seth added. "But I swear, everyday I was out on that boat, I regretted leaving you."

"Good!" Summer said with a nod. "Because that was the worst thing you could have ever done to me, Seth!" She was close to tears now.

"I know," Seth admonished as he looked at the ground in shame.

"You don't get it!" she nearly screamed in exasperation.

At these words Seth's head flew up. "I don't get what?"

"Everybody leaves me, Seth!" She was now yelling between sobs. "My mom left when I was eight and any traces of my dad's spirit went with her! He's constantly leaving for month-long seminars or intense, 24/7 treatment for his rich patients…" She paused to catch her breath and semi-compose herself before moving onto her next abandonment issue. "Coop left me when I was eleven for a boy and she hasn't stopped putting me second to them ever since. All my friends left me when I stuck by Coop after the Tijuana incident and what little I had left abandoned me when I started dating you," she sobbed, gesturing towards him for emphasis. "_Everybody_ leaves me," she finished shakily after a few seconds, much calmer than she had been during the rest of her rant.

"Summer…" Seth started carefully but she didn't let him finish.

"_You _were suppose to be better!" she cried as more tears fell. "_You_ were suppose to be the one that never left. _You _were suppose to be different from everyone else."

Seth didn't know what to say as she buried her head in her hands and cried. She was right. He had even promised her he wasn't going anywhere and he had still left. He deserved every shitty feeling he got, every biting comment she made.

"I was miserable everyday I was out there," Seth started slowly after a few minutes of silence. He needed her to know how much he had suffered being away from her. How much he regretted leaving her. How he seriously wanted to die for what he had put her through.

When Summer didn't look up or acknowledge in any way that she had heard him, he still continued. "You were all I thought about. I would think about you 98 percent of the time that I was awake and I would dream about you every time I slept. It would make me physically sick every time I thought about what I had done… and I thought about it a lot…"

Seth had gone into a mode of unawareness as he thought out loud and he didn't notice when Summer lifted her gaze to him, her eyes still red and puffy, but her tears dried up for the moment.

"I always thought I was alone in Newport; that there was never anything here worth staying for before Ryan came. Then I actually left." He paused for a long moment after this, trying to find the best words to express what he wanted to say. "And I realized that _you_ were _always_ the thing that made Newport bearable for me. Just being able to see you everyday, even if you didn't have any idea who I was, had always made it worth it. If it wasn't for you - just knowing that there was one person like you here - I don't think I would have survived Newport- I would have run away a long time ago… or escaped some other, messier way." He explained his last thought vaguely, leaving it for her to interpret as she wanted.

"Seth…" Summer finally spoke softly, her eyes red.

When she didn't say anything else after a few seconds Seth shook his head to stop her from starting again. He was going to go for broke. He was going to lay it all on the line and then whatever happened next would be up to her.

He took her hands in his and forced her to looked at him. "Summer… I know it may seem crazy - in more than one way- but you were the only reason I came back. You were all I ever had in Newport and I never knew how much I depended on just knowing you were around. And when I was out on that boat I realized that even if I couldn't have you, I couldn't stay away from you." He stopped and stared at her with an intense gaze for a moment as he forced himself to share his final feeling. "_I love you_, Summer."

Summer stared at him for a moment longer before she dropped her gaze from his and pulled her hands away due to the intensity of the moment. Finally she shook her head and looked back up at him, new tears fresh in her eyes. "I can't do this, Seth."

Seth bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stop his own tears from falling. He knew chances were good that Summer wouldn't feel the same way, but it killed him to know that she was giving up on them completely.

"Look, Summer… I understand if you don't feel-"

"I love you," she cut him off before he could finish his thought, "But I can't do this."

Seth's eyes widened in confusion. "Why not?" he asked with a pitiful look on his face. He knew a hundred logical answers she could give to his question, but he just didn't understand why any of them would matter if she really loved him.

"Because," she breathed. "This was never suppose to be like this." Seth only looked more confused with this explanation. "_We_ were never suppose to be like this," she continued, gesturing between the two of them.

Seth shook his head, still not getting it.

"We were never suppose to get this serious; we were just suppose to be having fun. I liked you because you were cute and different and fun. I was never suppose to fall in love with you," she finished quietly as she looked away from him.

"But, Summer- is that really a bad thing?" Seth asked, obviously hurt by her words.

"Yes!" Summer answered without hesitation. "We hurt each other," she explained simply. "It's not good that we have the power to hurt each other as much as we do."

"Summer, what kind of relationship would it be if we didn't have the power to affect each other like that?"

"It would be fun, and uncomplicated, and the kind of relationship we're suppose to have when we're in high school."

"I care about you too much for this to have never not been complicated," Seth responded firmly.

"This is insane," she groaned as she buried her head in her hands. "I was never ready for this."

"For what?"

"To care about you this much!" Summer exclaimed as her hands gestured towards him forcefully. "I wasn't prepared to cry for two weeks straight because you left me! I was never ready to sacrifice my relationship with my dad just so I wouldn't lose you! And I definitely wasn't ready to be so totally and completely depressed that I can't eat or sleep because I can't stop thinking about you!"

"Summer, _that _is exactly how I feel about you!" Seth exclaimed. "And I'm not running away from it," he said in a much calmer, more dignified voice. "_I came back_ because of it."

"Seth," Summer said firmly as she shook her head and more tears fell. "_I_ can't do this," she said one final time before she stood and made her way towards the door as she willed her self to stop crying to save the tiny smidgen of dignity she had left.

"Summer," Seth pushed his chair back forcefully and stood as he called after her, not caring who heard or looked. "You _can't_ walk away from this," he said desperately in one final attempt.

Summer bowed her head and shook it before looking up at him again. "I have to," she said in a grave tone and Seth's heart sank as he heard the finality in her voice.

Seth dejectedly watched her walk inside and dazedly make her way through the crowd to find Marissa.

Seth seriously wanted to crawl onto the Summer Breeze, curl up into a ball and let her drift out to sea as he so he could just die alone and in peace. It seemed a hell of a lot better than the agonizing feeling that was tearing through his entire body at the moment.

---------------------------------------------------

"Marissa," Seth grabbed her arm as her walk up behind her and whispered in her ear. "I need a favor." He glanced up to see Brian giving him a suspicious stare but disregarded it as he looked back down at Marissa expectantly.

She gave an apologetic look to Brian, who only shrugged, before ushering Seth a few feet away to a relatively empty area. "What is it?"

Seth scanned the general vicinity once more to be sure no one important was listening before speaking. "I need you to give me a ride to the marina."

Realization immediately dawned on Marissa's face as she shook her head solemnly. "Seth…" she started carefully.

"Look, if you're not going to help me, just tell me now," he snapped, his voice barely above a whisper. He really didn't need his parents or grandpa, or anyone who could tell them, overhearing him. When Marissa's disappointed stare persisted and she gave no indication that she was going to help, he sighed in frustration. "Forget it, I'll just call a cab."

"Wait, don't," Marissa quickly spoke up and grabbed his arm to stop him from going. "What the hell happened?" she asked harshly, glancing towards the outside deck to be sure he knew what she was talking about; like there would be anything else she was talking about?

"Nothing," Seth said with a bitter nod. "Absolutely_ nothing_! And that's why I have to leave. I can't stay here anymore. Everyone in this whole town either hates me or just doesn't give a damn."

"I give a damn. And your parents definitely give a damn," she paused, "And no matter what happened out there, you know Summer gives a damn, too."

Seth shook his head. "It doesn't matter anymore- none of it matters anymore. My parents can't be anymore pissed off at me than they already are. And you're the only other person I have left here, and I'm saying goodbye in person so you can't be mad at me this time. I'm giving fair warning."

"What about your parents? You're not giving them fair warning. It will kill them if you just pick up and leave again."

"Look…" Seth started in an attempt to pacify her, "I'll call them tomorrow, when I make my first stop. And I'll call them from every other port I stop at so they know I'm safe… But I can't give them a chance to stop me. I have to go."

"Do you really want to do this?" she asked seriously. "Look at everything you lost the last time."

"Exactly," he nodded. "Which means I have nothing left to lose."

"I hope you're right, Seth," Marissa said in a foreboding tone. "Because this will change everything and you will have _no_ chance of getting back any semblance of your normal life if you leave again."

Seth nodded in complete understanding.

"Okay," Marissa said with a final look around. "Just wait by my car while I get my purse. I'll be out there in a few minutes."

"Thank you," Seth said gratefully before he hastily made his way out the front exit.

Marissa sighed worriedly as she watched him go. She really hoped he wasn't royally about to fuck up whatever was left of his former life.

----------------------------------------

"Coop, where the hell have you been!" Summer screeched as Marissa entered her bedroom at a little past eleven. It was relatively early so her mom and Caleb weren't home yet.

"Sum, what are you doing here? How'd you get here? How'd you get in?" Marissa asked, glancing around.

"Caitlin let me in, Brian gave me a ride, and what the hell do you think I'm doing here?" she rattled off her answers to each one of Marissa's questions. "And where the hell have you been?" she repeated.

"I had to run an errand," Marissa tried to answer as casually as possible.

Summer raised a skeptical brow. "At 11:00 at night?"

"It was an emergency," Marissa explained further, and yet more vaguely.

"What happened?"

"Ran out of tampons," Marissa spit out the first non-serious emergency she could think of.

Summer still looked suspicious but nodded anyways. She had too much on her mind to interrogate Marissa.

Marissa sighed and sat down on the bed next to Summer. "So I take it this is about Seth."

Summer nodded.

"Conversation didn't go well?"

Summer pouted. "It went horribly. I cried, he cried. I yelled, he yelled. He said I love you, I said I couldn't deal with it, he basically called me a coward, I left, I cried some more, I looked for you only to find out from Brian that you had been fucking MIA for the last twenty minutes! Then I asked him to take me here where Caitlin proceeded to let me in and I came up to your room and cried some more while I waited for you."

"He told you he loved you?" Marissa asked, ignoring all the other things Summer had said.

Summer bit her bottom lip to keep another sob from coming out, and nodded.

"And you just told him you couldn't deal with it?"

Summer shook her head. "No… I told him I loved him… then I said I couldn't deal with it… then he called me a coward,then I left, then I cried… And I didn't get any fucking closure at all from this!" Summer snapped. "You said I would get closure if I talked to him!" She poked an accusing jab into Marissa's chest. "Where the hell is my closure!?"

Marissa bit her lip and hesitated as she considered if she really wanted to say what she was thinking.

"Coop, say something!" Summer ordered. "I need advice, soothing words, _Ben & Jerry's_… let's go here, Coop."

At Summer's pushing and snipping, Marissa stopped hesitating and let her thoughts spew out. "Did you ever think that maybe you weren't suppose to get closure? Maybe you don't want closure?" she snapped.

"Why wouldn't I want closure?" Summer asked, not getting it.

"I don't know…" Marissa started sarcastically. "Maybe because you're in love with him and there's no way in hell that feeling's going away anytime soon. Why would you push away a guy that can make you feel this strongly? Hell, If I had half the amount of emotion and love and longing invested in a guy that you have in Seth and suddenly that guy was throwing himself at me, confessing his lifelong devotion and love and commitment, telling me that I was everything to him, I think I would be ecstatic… and extremely grateful. And I sure as hell wouldn't throw that kind of love back into the face of what ever deity is in control of this stuff."

Summer sat with wide eyes and her mouth hanging open in shock at Marissa's words.

"Where the hell did that come from?" she finally managed to choke out.

"It's frustrating watching you take the connection you have with Seth for granted. I know you're young and scared that you're gonna get hurt again, but the odds are about a billion to one that this is never going to happen to you again… and I honestly think you're gonna regret how you handled this."

Summer shook her head in doubt. "What about you and Ryan?" she challenged. "You guys were _so _in love… and yet two months later he's living in Chino with his pregnant ex-girlfriend and you've already got a new boyfriend."

"Okay, One…" Marissa said defensively, "That was kind of cold, Summer. And, two…" she shook her head sadly, "As in love as I thought Ryan and I were, we wouldn't have lasted. Ryan has a hero complex- he needs to be in a relationship where he can save someone; when Ryan came, I needed to be saved. And of course we cared about each other, and even loved each other, but it was more because we had a mutual need for each other at the time. When I finally started getting my life together and Teresa came with her problem, Ryan went where he was needed most. And I respect him for that," she finished quietly. "But the love of my life can't be someone who feels un-needed just because I'm not a total mess."

"Wow, Coop," Summer breathed. "That was depressing."

Marissa rolled her eyes went back to her previous 'tough love' attitude. "Not as depressing as what you're doing to you and Seth because you're too scared to admit that he's it for you. He's as good as it's gonna get. And I can say, there's not a girl out there who's gonna get better than him. He's head over heels in love with you. He came back to the place that he's been planning his escape from for a decade, because you're here."

"Coop, I'm too young for this to be 'it'," Summer tried to say convincingly, but she was having a hard time doubting Marissa's idea herself. "He's the only real serious boyfriend I've ever had. How could I know if he's really 'it'?"

Marissa rolled her eyes in frustration. "How happy were you when he was here? How miserable were you when he was gone?" Summer only bit her lip and shrugged when she found that she couldn't force herself to deny Marissa's accusation in words. "Yeah," Marissa agreed with Summer's lack of answer. "I was there, and I saw you during both periods. I know what I saw, Summer. And it was not someone who had any other options out there."

"_Marissa_…" Summer pleaded in one last attempt at saving herself from having to admit that Marissa was right. It sucked being as miserable as she was, but at least this way she always new what to expect. If she went back to Seth, she would be flying completely blind and that notion scared the hell out of her.

"Summer," Marissa addressed her sternly. "_Do you love him_?" Summer nodded weakly. "Do you really think you could feel the same way about anyone else?" Summer shook her head in an even weaker motion and Marissa could barely see it. "Well then, there's nothing else I can say. You do what you want with that."

Summer looked at Marissa dazedly for a second, completely unreadable, before she buried her head in her hands. "Oh, God," she moaned.

Marissa went to place a comforting hand on her back only to pull it back quickly when Summer suddenly jerked up and stared at her. Her expression was now completely different. Her eyes looked urgent instead of totally lost and her mouth was set in determination.

"I have to see Cohen," she announced as she grabbed her purse in preparation to leave right away. "Do you think he's still at the party, or should we go straight to his house? Did you see him leave after I came in from the deck?" she asked frantically, urgent to get to him as quickly as possible.

It was Marissa's turn to burry her head in her hands and groan. "Oh, Summer… you're gonna hate me."

"What?" Summer snapped distractedly as she searched Marissa's purse for her keys. She was a little frustrated that Marissa was delaying their departure.

"I did something really stupid."

"Okay? Can you tell me on the way?" she asked as she grabbed at Marissa's arm and attempted to pull her up.

Marissa looked up at her pitifully. "He's not going to be at the party, or his house."

Summer's face contorted in confusion and worry. "What do you mean? Why?"

"That emergency I had to run - I was taking Seth to the marina. He's leaving again."

"What?" Summer asked, dumbstruck as she fell to the bed next to Marissa. "He's leaving me again," she asked in quiet disbelief.

"No," Marissa answered firmly. "He thought he had already lost you."

Summer turned to Marissa. "And you took him?" she asked, her hurt evident, tears welling in her eyes. "You did that to me?"

"Summer, as far as I knew, you guys were over. You had shot him down point blank and he was miserable. I don't blame him for wanting to get as far away from this place as possible."

Summer blinked in astonishment as she considered Marissa's betrayal. "How could you take him to leave and then come back here and lecture me on all that crap when you knew he was already gone?"

"You came here. You needed someone to talk to and I told you what I really thought. Did you want me to lie and say that you were perfectly right to just give up on you and Seth?"

"No! You should have told me he left so that I could have just been more mad at him instead of confessing that I was desperately in love with him and always will be!"

"Well if that's the case, why are you still here? He may not have left yet. He thinks you've given up on him. There's nothing keeping him here unless you go to him."

"What if he's already gone?"

"Do you just want to give up now and not even try?"

Summer considered the question for only a second before grabbing Marissa's keys in one and Marissa's arm in another. She shoved the keys into Marissa's hand while rushing her out of her bedroom and down the main staircase towards the front door.

"Drive _really_ fast Coop."

-------------------------------------------------

Summer ran into the little building that housed the marina attendants.

She grabbed the first guy that she saw roughly by the arm and questioned him urgently. "Has Seth Cohen left yet?"

The man racked his brain for a good thirty seconds before shaking his head no. Summer let out a short-lived sigh of relief because a second later the guy looked at her curiously. "Who?"

"Seth Cohen," she snapped in frustration. "The _Summer Breeze_? Has the _Summer Breeze _left yet?"

The guy shook his head to indicate that he still had no idea what she was talking about. "It's one of those weird sail boats," Summer explained frantically. Seth could be taking off as she spoke and this guy was wasting her time. "It's got, like, two little boats, and then a trampoline type thing that's going across them…" She desperately moved her hands around as she tried to describe the it.

When the guy still had no clue what she was talking about, Summer lost it. "God. Aren't you, like, fucking paid to know this stuff!"

The guy took a step back and held up his hands in defense. "Calm down, lady. I just started working here. I don't know any of this stuff."

Summer grinded her teeth and clenched her fist as she resisted the urge to strangle the guy. "Then can you please get me someone who knows what they're fucking talking about!" she barked furiously.

"Summer?"

Summer froze as her heart stopped, her eyes slammed shut, and her breath caught in her throat. It figured he saw her like this. Like walking in on one of her rage blackouts was really going to convince him to stay.

She opened her eyes slowly and turned around at the same pace to look at him. His hair was out of control from the salty air, his eyes were red but there were no traces of tears, and his face wore an expression of total confusion and shock.

"What are you doing here?"

Summer was about to answer but then remembered the dock attendant standing behind her and glared over her shoulder in warning for him to leave. When the man stood there dumbly and made no move to give them some privacy, she just rolled her eyes and guided Seth out the door onto the wooden dock.

Seth looked at her questioningly and Summer took in a deep breath.

"I love you," she started slowly, and then everything else from there on out was quick, fragments of complete thoughts and sentences. "And I pushed you away earlier because I was scared- and I'm still scared- But I don't want you to go. I love you and I'm not saying that if you stay, things are gonna be great, or go back to how they were - or anything else - but I want you to stay. I'm sorry that I was a bitch before, but you scare me and confuse me; and when I think about how much I love you, I get even more scared. But I don't want to lose you. And I don't want to run away anymore, and if I'm not running away from this anymore, you're sure as hell not running away again." She finished out of breath and completely winded and not totally sure of what exactly she had just said, but it seemed like she had rambled on for awhile and she was pretty sure she got the basic gist out.

Seth's eyes were wide as he tried to take in everything Summer had just said. He knew he should say something - that the look on her face suggested that she was waiting desperately for him to say something - but he just couldn't manage any words.

And when Summer started to talk again, he still couldn't manage any words, but he did manage to press his lips hard against hers before she could get any further into her second tangent.

Seth's arms wrapped around her waist and she immediately responded, pushing herself up against him as she wrapped one arm around his neck and tangled her fingers in his damp curls while her other hand desperately clung to his shoulder.

The kiss, unlike most, had actually started out hard and intense and had softened into shorter, more passionate kisses that they repeatedly placed on each other's lips, taking little breaths in between each meeting as an alternative to one big breathing break.

Finally Seth pulled away and buried his head in her neck. "God," he whispered as he breathed in the sent of her perfume and shampoo. "I've missed you. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Summer mumbled into his chest as her tears soaked his t-shirt.

Seth pulled away eventually and brought her head up so he could see her face. He stared at her face and brought his hand up to wipe away some of the tears. He placed a gentle kiss on her lips and mumbled, "I am so sorry," against them.

Summer pulled back and shook her head. "No," she said firmly. "No more apologies. We've both hurt each other in the past… but we're not going to do that anymore," she stated resolutely. "We're starting over. We love each other and that's all that we should focus on now."

Seth nodded and kissed her again. "We're going to start over," he affirmed with a nod when he pulled away.

Summer nodded her own agreement.

"And I propose that we start over by you letting me take you on a date tomorrow," Seth offered with a grin.

Summer smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck and play with the curls at the back of his head. "Where would this date be?"

"Well - seeing as I'm grounded until the next Millennium - my house," he answered, the wind kind of taken out of his sails. "But I promise I'm a good cook. And we have an excellent view of the ocean… and a pool house."

"Well, I can't say no to that," she answered as she leaned up to kiss him.

Seth smirked when she pulled away. "Well, I was at least hoping you wouldn't say no to that."

Summer laughed as Seth caught her mouth in a much more passionate kiss. When they pulled away his face was serious again. "I love you so much," he breathed, his eyes full of passion and love.

"I love you too, Seth," she replied with just as much feeling as she buried her head in his chest again and he wrapped his arms around his back.

"Can I ask you something?" Seth said after a few minutes.

Summer looked up and nodded.

"Why don't you call me Cohen anymore?" he asked seriously, obvious that it was really bothering him.

Summer only thought for a second before answering just as seriously, "You have to earn 'Cohen'."

"I can live with that," he said before pressing another kiss against her lips. "We've got plenty of time."


End file.
